everything is a dream

 I read maybe more than 300 until now and I can not understand what is real? Everything is so unimaginable. The girl who started to write this blog can not predict my current life AND the girl who is writing now can not understand what is happening during these months. 

I was planning to buy a ticket to visit someone on the other side of the world last month and it was my main purpose instead of now, I am attending internship/work interviews, travelling in my city, studying a lot, doing my project and I am going to Bosnia on a solo trip to visit my friend but it feeling so weird.

I can not imagine myself -at least- happy with someone. I am just happy with my friends and family members but not a boy because I am so tired of believing that shit. When I strongly believe in someone or our relationship, the other person always gives up and after that, I can not do anything to someone who does not believe me or us. I am trying to do my best, maybe this is my fault but this is my lifestyle. I can not act unnaturally and tactically. I am like that in every part of my life...

I am not optimistic person so it is okay to feel like that but ofcourse I know it will not like that always. I will continue to do my best but with who want to do ...